Poetry from the Santa Fe Indian School

The Grief Diaries is proud to publish the following series of poems in collaboration with 18 young writers from the Santa Fe Indian School. Governed by the 19 Pueblos of New Mexico, SFIS is a sovereign Native school that emphasizes Indian Education. These poems were produced in a 9th grade English Composition & Literature class taught by Michael Martinez, and this is our second year collaborating with Martinez on this project. These poems originated as a Performance Task with an emphasis on poetry.

Each of Mr. Martinez’s 77 Composition students wrote a poem, and 18 students selected to be published in TGD. Of these 18, each student has written about various events and issues in their lives that express both self and culture. Student ages range from 14-16 and represent a number of the 19 Pueblos: Navajo Nation, Hopi, Mescalero, Jicarilla-Apache, and other various Tribes in New Mexico and the United States.
 

TURQUOISE SKY, ADOBE EARTH:
A COLLECTION OF POEMs

volume 2

 

Or So My Experience was Short
by Deanna Casaus

I don’t want to say I don't cry - because I do                      
I just don’t know how to “grieve” 
But I guess there is no rule
How to deal with the loss of
Someone loved or anything in general.

I look at the
‘5 stages of grief’ 
And all I go to is
Acceptance.
I don't want to feel like an asshole
So I make myself feel bad
For the person who died.

My grandma and uncle
Died 2 weeks apart from each other
I watched everyone
Shed their tears while
I sat there with an
Impassive face 

I mean, don't get me wrong, 
I was pretty sad
I just don't know what
To do in these types
Of situations 

I wanted to cry but I couldn't
In loved them both  
Dearly
I just didn't know if that’s the
way they wanted me to react

My grandma always said
“you'll be okay when I’m gone”
Not to think that it was anyone's
Fault or mine
She passed of old age 97
She was the white corn 

Everytime I think of her I don't know
If I should be sad
and cry like my mom
She hears me say grandma and
Boom!
A pool of tears 

I guess I can say
I'm glad she passed on
Instead of suffering
In this literal
Shothole.
She lived a good life
13 kids, 
Good husband. 
Our family makes up
All of Santa Clara Pueblo 

Anyways
I don't want to say I don't cry - because I do
I just don't know how to grieve


Bio: Hi, my name is Deanna Casaus. I am from Santa Clara Pueblo and Pojoaque Pueblo. I am 15 years old and my poem is called “Or So My Experience was Short.” I wrote it because I don't know, I feel as if I don't grieve in a way. I just think it's weird to cry at funerals or death itself. I accept all death for what it is and I just don't feel sad or mad or anything, but that's just me and I thought I could write this poem just because I feel like other people can relate. For the longest time I thought I was crazy and weird for not crying or being sad for someone I know who died, but I'm just different, maybe a little crazy, and the thing is I am SUPER EMOTIONAL so don't know how that happened. :)
 

Momma
by Miya Chavez

My dearest mother,
Something is wrong with my brain
I think I'm depressed

“Hey, are you okay?”
You ask me from time to time
No momma I’m not

After I broke down
I threw my feelings away
No more soul for me

I don't feel a thing
Will I ever weep again?
I miss my feelings

Sometimes I blow up
I am a ticking time bomb
I can't control it

Every night I feel
Like I am so damn worthless
As my mind lingers

Everyone tells me
“Be happy to be alive”
But what if I'm not?

I love you so much
Mom, I don't want you to cry
But I need this now

I need you to know
That something is wrong with me
In order to stay

By your side is where
I can feel like I belong
Mom, I need your help

Things are going to change
But for better or for worse?
Momma, I'm afraid

As I tell you this,
Are things changing between us?
I really hope not

I would hate to see
You look at me differently
Cuz of how I feel

I’ve been dreading this,
Telling you the complete truth
I've been really scared

Momma, I love you
I want to stay by your side
Here's my cry for help
 

Bio: Hello, my name is Miya Chavez, I’m 15 years old, and I’m from San Felipe Pueblo. My poem, ”Momma,” is a poem I have written for my mom to tell her how I really feel. I don’t express my emotions very well, so for me, this is a really big deal. I still haven't showed her my poem, and I plan on showing it to her soon. I want the readers of TGD to feel okay about opening up about how they’re feeling, as I’ve been struggling with these emotions for a long time, and I want everyone to feel safe to tell someone that they trust and to get help. I’m scared, but ultimately, getting help is the only way I’ll get better, because I can’t do this alone. If you’re going through these feelings or any mental health problems, please don’t suffer alone, it’s okay to feel this way, but reach out. I know it’s scary but people care, your family and friends care, so stay strong.
 

Untitled
by Jennifer Crespin

If I hadn't been so selfish and stubborn
Maybe you wouldn't be gone for so long
You left but now you will never ever return
There's nothing I can do but i did you wrong
Remembering all the fun times we had
Those are the times I would do anything for
Remembering those times just makes me sad
It’s as if everything is such a bore
From the day we meet to the day you left
Everything was great till I hurted you
Everything we had started to drift
Is there anything I could possibly do?
You were a great friend who was always fair
You were the one to always care

 Bio: Jennifer Crespin is a 9th-grade student at the Santa Fe Indian School
 

The worm in my heart
by Natasha Crespin

The pain eats away at my aching heart.
Once so plump and flowing with love,
Now so shriveled and filled with hate.
Heartbreak is only the beginning.

Lust is what draws us in.
All we focus on is beauty.
The beauty outside
And not inside.
But, this all changes

We don’t realize what some people
Are capable of doing to us. 
One person can be the savior of your life
Or, the cause of your destruction.

Some people can leave
Your life and you could care less.
Some people can make you feel so high,
So high there is no chance
Of coming back down. 

 Bio: Natasha Crespin is a 9th-grade student at the Santa Fe Indian School
 

Time
by Jamie Cruz-Sandoval

It’s gone,
Like Time.

What you’ve done ruined our future.
We could’ve had all the time in the world.

I traveled back in time,
The good times flew by like seconds,
But will last forever.
The arguments were like longing days.

Where did the time go?
Was it wasted all on you?
Can I turn it back
And get back what I lost?

It’s been a minute.
You came back.
I let you in
Within a second.

I’m not giving you
All my time tho.
Prove to me
You want forever.

Only time will tell.

Bio: My name is Jamie Cruz-sandoval, a 14 year old. I am from the pueblos of San Felipe and Ohkay Owingeh. The title of my poem is “Time”. It is a seeing through my eyes of what a person I loved did and how bad it hurt me. Readers of The Grief Diaries will see that it's ok to forgive but it will take time.
 

You left too soon
by Po' Povi

Cherished angel, my little moon,
Are you watching me from above?
You left this world too soon,
And yet, I love you so much.

They tell me that time heals,
That God wanted you more.

But how can he take you,
From a family, 
From a mother and a father,
From your tia’s and your tio’s,
From a sister and a brother.

How can I live life,
Knowing that you haven't even talked,
Walked,
Said your first words,
Laughed,
Said my name?

He took you from us,
Never  giving us a warning.

You weren't even given,
A chance,
To be able to love,
Or even,
Live a full month before going above.

Zayden Noah,
You will always be,
My  little angel,
My nephew.

Bio: I am a student at Santa Fe High School and I am from Ysleta Del Sur Pueblo in El Paso, Texas. My poem is called “Left too soon” and it's about how I lost my nephew and how I feel about the situation. I feel like the readers of The Grief Diaries can relate to my grief and loss, and hopefully it can help people know they aren't alone.
 

I Miss Him
Elysia I. Escobedo

I grieve for my dad,
I scream for him, 
get infuriated with him,
I pull my heart out and show it to the world. 
so he’ll know I miss him

I grieve for my dad,
A boy who played
With girls hearts
Like 90 cent toys
And breaks them
Then tries to piece them back together, 
The first way he broke them
By loving them.

I grieve for my dad,
Wanting him desperately
To say I was stupidly wrong
That I was idiotic to think
He left because of me
That I was childish to think
I was incomplete without him
That I was broken to think
I was worthless to love
Please, tell me she was wrong

I grieve for my dad,
With my heart becoming sickling
When I deny his distance
Realizing I’m still living without him,
That without a dad I’ve learned
To protect my heart before myself,
To care for the drunks I adore,
To love without ditching, 
To cry discreetly when there was no one to offer a shoulder
I learned about everything
That took him decades to master

I grieve for my dad
He’s done the unthinkable
A crime known throughout man
He hurt everyone
Without raising a fist
Though he was a fired engine
When pumped with fuel
Like a werewolf becoming
A monster by night
He deserves the hatred
But I still love him
A questionable act
That I am oblivious to.

I grieve for my dad
I love him, 
So that it’ll hurt him
I want him to remember
That he has one love
That he can never receive
Because telling him
“I love you”
Is alway easier through
Phones and letters
I write love letters
Not for romance
But for payback.
I love him
And he hurt me
A regret
That kills him

I grieve for my dad
Even though he’s alive
Because I believe
The only chance
I have with him
Is at death.
I know
A melancholy
Goal. 

I grieve for my dad
His name smacking
My skull, 
A name I can’t say
Without feeling guilty
A name I feel sick
For loving
A name that I desire
To say
A name that was visible
Between sobs
A name that I refuse
To give out
Because
Records holds
His scrappy picture
A name that sounds
Sour when written 

I grieve for my dad,
A man I always wanted
But never really needed.

Bio: Hola, I’m Elysia I. Escobedo and I’m from Santa Clara. My lil’ poem is called, “I miss him” and it's just about some daddy issues expressed emotionally because why not. I wrote it just for the relief of it and to finally share with others who have this common issue. What I’m hoping I can get through to the readers of TGD is some kind of symbolic hand of assurance by expressing that they aren’t alone on having conflicting feelings towards a loved one. It’s like that there is some kind of comfort knowing that your not alone with these “mushy” feelings. I would like to go into detail without h the whole emotional stuff but writing the poem itself feels to personal. 
 

You are me
by Desiree Herrera

Early morning rises
Nightly thoughts die
I lay upon a open window
Dawns breeze drifts in

Amongst the mist she appears
Her wicked tongue spits lies into my ears
Her sharp nails claw at my heart
Her eyes burn into mine

“Did you really think you’d be at ease?
I'm always going to be here,
 Always your other half.”
Am I really ever by myself?

She lays her hand upon my head
Caressing my hair
Slowly plucking every other strand

Pushed into screamless fights
Eyes pleading mercy
Body shakes and trembles with every hit

She pushes, I push back
Her slick words coil around my brain
Suffocating
Her world is dark as I rise

Lyrics whispered from earbuds
An empty can rolls away
“Wait, what’s my name?”

Oh, right
Two different socks
Hair half done
Was my battle really won?

Bio: My name is Desiree Herrera. I am from Santa Clara Pueblo and I am 15 years old. My poem is titled ‘You are me’. I chose to write this poem because I was at battle with myself for a long time. At times I still struggle against myself and my mind. I know many teenagers struggle the the feeling of lonely. I just was hoping I could reach out to the people that are fighting against themselves that they’re not alone in this world. No one is alone. 

The Bond We Had
by Alyssa Kahn

One day you were completely gone
No longer would you sing me my favorite song
Each night I’m filled with worry
Hoping you’d hurry home early
But then I realized you’d left for good
You wouldn’t be here like you should

Like that, you were gone
No more of a father-daughter bond
With you, you took your love
Even your working gloves
The gloves I put on my tiny hands
While sitting in the sands
Offering to help you with work
You said with care
“No I don’t want you to get hurt”
Then patted my hair 

When you left
I was given no explanation
School days were rough
Mostly tough
I tried my best to ignore the disappearance
I maintained coherence
My best, I did
All my memories of you I hid
But in my heart I still ached
All for your sake.

Bio: My name is Alyssa Kahn and I am 15 years old. I am from the Navajo Nation and my poem is called The Bond We Had. My poem explains how my father left me at a very young age and how it came to impact me. I decided to write it because it explains the grief and loss I felt after he left me and my family. I think that this poem could help other users understand this type of grief and in a sense have users relate to it through TGD

Makes One’s Way Through
by Anonymous SFIS Student (Seven)

He sees himself as a jokester
But I see him as my father.
The bond we have is
Gnarly but, great.

Sometimes
He does not hear me out
Besides our surreptitious moment.
The things he does
Make me feel exasperated
Like I feel he no longer cares
About my aspects.
I see that he is a hasty man
Who believes being inebriated
Is better for him.
Since his personality is an argument,
But a disclaimer.

Sometimes
He denies what he does and says,
When I ask him repeatedly and
Respectfully, “why can’t you just stop?”
I ask, “does he really love me like
He says he does?”
“Why can’t I help?”
“I don’t understand why?”
Quit for me.

Sometimes
I want him to see the future
With me sober,
Than imbibe the moment.
I rather him spend his
Money on useful things
Then bullshit drinks
That causes bad outcomes.
But, occasionally, I believe there’s
Nothing helpful you can say
To a person.
I also believe the
Love I have for my
N’ya’che’ya is amazing
Like him.
Although things
Won’t probably
Change?

Bio: My pen name is Seven, I am from Pueblo of Laguna, and I am 16 years old. My poem is titled ‘Makes One’s Way Through’. In this poem I mentioned “he does not hear me out” and this person I talk about is a loving person who makes horrible decisions from what I see. Although I felt ‘what if’ people on TGD can relate, understand and communicate about this situation. I believe this person I love hurt me every time he misunderstands the words that come out of my mouth. That the grief is miserable, I never know what to say most of the time, so I cry and don’t talk. 
 

Forever Remembering
by Collin Madalena

I miss you all day and everyday,
Going to miss you and all the fun,
Gonna miss all the games we play,
The family will miss you a whole ton
You are now in the sky with the clouds.
A place where it is blue skies and colorful,
Always sitting there in the crowds,
Happy as can be, supporting and joyful.
Patiently waiting for me and my fam,
To get on the road and watch us run.
Laughing at each other’s jokes in the van,
Sitting on the bleachers in the hot sun.
You are gone but in a better place,
I will work hard and not be a disgrace.

Bio:  Hello, My name is Collin Madalena from the Pueblo of Jemez.  I am 15 years old. My title of my poem is “Forever Remembering”. My reason for writing this poem would be because I lost my grandmother at the age of 10. She was a major part my family and we spent a lot of time with her. We took her everywhere like track meets because she always wanted to support us in every way. This could help you the reader, understand and know that you are not alone. We are all alike in many ways and we all have loss in our families. The main point would be to know that you are not alone. There are people like you with similar problems.


Secrets
by Ariana Martinez

Trespasser beware!
Do you even care?
I cry when you lie,
When roses fall out of the sky
The piano sings but more so weeps
The terror to take flight, 
Screams within the night

Oh how the moon wrestles the gloom
Get out of my room!
Or meet your doom.
There’s too much sadness
Raw secrets to munch on
A bunch of punch that I spill, 
I feel fatally ill

I wanna run!
Farther than the sun.
I want to scream!
Without being a human being
I want to live!
No rules to give into
I want to feel
So I can heal

This is a secret, 
So I suggest you keep it.

Bio: Ariana Martinez is a 9th-grade student at the Santa Fe Indian School.


Beside Me
by Jazlynn Martinez

I walked into the empty house,
feeling as if nothing have changed.
The thermostat shows seventy
but the room never felt colder.
The pictures hanging off the walls
 no longer have color.

I sit on the couch,
waiting for the familiar voice
to call out for me.
But the cruel reality digs
into my chest like a burning knife.
How long will this last?

I run my hands through my hair,
wondering when my dream fell apart.
You were beside me and now..
I take a shaky breath in.
This time I don’t stop my eyes
from letting them mourn.


That’s What You Told Me
by Jazlynn Martinez

I laugh
But it no longer sounds
like bells ringing in the distant.
That’s what you told me.

I smile
but it no longer looks
Like the stars at night.
That’s what you told me.

I dream
But it no longer seems
like the future you’ve built for us.
That’s what you told me.

I cry
But it no longer feels
Like I’m going to be okay,
That’s what you told me.

I love
But it no longer tastes
Like the kiss we shared.
At least that’s what you told me.


To My Twin
by Jazlynn Martinez

I miss the feeling
Of sneaking behind the dorms,
Waiting for the staff to pass by.
You were so rebellious
That you put me to shame.
From cursing about every little thing
To flipping off the people that ‘deserved’ it.

I miss the laughs
We shared over dumb nicknames
Like ‘Post it’ or ‘The magnet’.
You were always teasing me
About who I liked, 
even if you didn’t know him.

I was always there for you
Thick and thin.
The late phone calls of us,
Complaining about boys
And much we hated
The distance between us.

Sometimes
I felt alone,
Even when my friends were with me.
You knew me better than myself.
No matter how much time passes by,
We’ll always be looking at the same sky.

Bio: My name is Jazlynn Martinez. I’m 15 years ago and I’m from San Ildefonso and Nambe Pueblo. I decided to turn in three poems because I’m decisive and the idea of the topics of the poems was my first motive. I wanted to write about different forms of grief because we all go through it in different ways. The first poem is titled ‘Beside Me’. It’s about losing someone close to you, whether it’s a death or relationship problems. The second poem is titled ‘That’s What You Told Me’. This about getting out of a relationship between two others. The third poem is called ‘To My Twin’. This is about when my friend moved away and we struggled with the distance between each other. I hope these poems can help people and to remind them that they’re never alone.
 

The Loss of You
by Alyssa K. Melchor

You promised a beginning, fresh and new. 
You promised always you’d be beside me too. 
You promised to my heart that it would not break, 
And I now realized that it all was fake.
You promised that you would not leave again, 
But here I am wondering, “Where have you been?”

I promised to myself that I would not try, 
Because our whole relationship was just a big lie.
I promised myself to shed no tears,
I will continue this journey without you
Where there are no fears. 
I promised myself a beginning fresh and new, 
Because I know that my mom will
always be beside me too.


Bio: My name is Alyssa Melchor and I am 15 years old. I am from Cochiti Pueblo. I titled my poem “The Loss of You.” My poem is about my father and the broken promises he brought along with him. It really hurt being lied to, especially to my face. He made so many promised he couldn’t even keep. Although it’s something I’ve learned from and accepted. I eventually stopped trying to build a stable relationship with him because I couldn’t keep putting my time into something so toxic. This poem would help the readers of TGD by telling them to forgive everyone. No matter what they do, learn to forgive and keep moving forward. Strive for the best and just be happy. 
 

This One’s For You
by Mary Morgan

Today I dreamt about you
You’re in the crowd
Standing proud
Smiling the way you do

After my parents divorce
You handled all the fighting
You would always apologize
When it wasn’t your fault

When we would come to stay
You sat at your spot
And asked us about our day
Or “how was school, hotshot?”

Tragedy struck on spring break
My auntie called
She said you were gone
I started crying then and there

I hope you know
I will always love you
Because this one’s for you
My loving Uncle

Bio: Hi! My name is Mary Morgan and I am 14 years of age. I come from the Navajo nation. My poem is about my uncle who passed away a few years ago. The title of my poem is “This One’s For You.” I think my poem can help readers realize how much your relatives mean to you and how much you mean to them and not take their love for granted. Also, the readers can know there’s someone out there who goes through the same thing as you.


Learning to Let Go
by Sydnie Pino

It was my 4th grade year
When my family was put to the test.
I was forced to face my biggest fear
That left my world a mess.

I was a 9 year old girl,
Always happy as can be.
I had no worries in the world
As long as my parents were beside me.

As the days progressed,
Things were never the same.
They were both stuck in distress
And it was an endless burning flame.

Things were getting out of control
And they both had enough.
There was a huge family hole
So my dad packed all his stuff.

Leaving the house and driving away,
He had no intention of going back.
I cried and told him to stay,
But I was left behind in dust tracks. 

For days I waited,
In hopes he would return
But all that hope faded,
And there was nothing but concern.

Time flies by,
And it is 5 years later.
I’ve learned to no longer cry,
But leave it in the hands of The Creator. 

My love for mom and dad
Is something that will never end
Therefore I can never be mad,
But forgive the both of them.

Though this is all in the past, 
It still hurts today.
I guess some things weren’t meant to last
But in the end it’s all okay

Bio: My name is Sydnie Pino and I am 15 years old. I am from the pueblos of San Ildefonso and Taos. My poem is titled “Learning to let go”. This poem is about dealing with the separation of my mother and father and learning to accept the situation for what it was. I chose to write this poem to truly uncover all the emotions I had bottling up inside for so long. This poem would help the readers of TGD by giving them the advice of looking at the brighter side of things and learning that no matter what we are going through, everything will turn out just fine. 
 

This is the Title
by Jade Rael

She’s here for a redo.
For being stuck in her own screen,
Pausing her mangled mind,
And rewinding it with vibes,
To help her remember how to feel again.
She’s found lost in her own home,
Imprisoned to replay her few good memories,
Still trusting that she’ll never lose them.

She’s already sick of the time.
Where the kids of tomorrow,
Already want to delete themselves,
And the people of yesterday,
Are set on omitting the future’s history,
Where we came from.

Tell me how I’m supposed to go on.

She wants a different change.
Found in the glooms of an erased world,
Where the knowledgeable ones,
Who fight til they’re impaired mind and body,
Are known for their valuable modifications.
Not their disruption to normality.
How people are blind,
To everything wrong with today.

She needs a new strength.
Not the numbers that should define her,
Or the letters that’ll rule her.
Explain to her what stress is,
And how it’ll be an acquaintance, 
She won’t enjoy the presence of.
Like caramel to her teeth,
Wanting to rotten her mouth,
With hateful words and cavities.

Tell me why I’m here.

She’s giving me misty eyes.
Where I can’t believe it’ll be okay...
I’m still trying,
But it’s like taping wrong puzzle pieces.
I’m here for a redo.
Give me the technology to help,
The bright new generation to steer.
Help me build a healthy sustained society,
With a better learning system,

Tell me how I’ll make a change.

-for her.


This Isn’t a Suicide Note. (SAD VIIBES)
by Jade Rael

This isn’t a suicide note.
But you would(n’t) care if it was.
If you had the time to worry,
I know you’d (never) rest.

But here from the thoughts,
I should(n't) feel the need to tell you,
I’m forever sorry if I do.

But I (don’t) need to ask you,
For your forgiveness (you’ll never give me).

This isn’t a suicide note.

These are my raw emotions,
Cause I think I’m starting (again).
I’m out of control (again),
And I don’t remember how I managed
When time was ‘before’ (it).

Just help me, (don’t).

I’m finding reasons to,
Fear myself (again).
Afraid of my own feelings,
For what they do (to me).

I remember when I was four,
I bit my nails to keep from scratching (me),
But today I found razorblades,
And found the (pretty) meaning of blood,
And the feeling of pain,
That matched what I felt (in my heart).

Back then they told me,
What I felt was(n’t) valid,
But here I’m grown,
And if I’m honest with you,
I’m left (even more) confused.

All understand is that,
I don’t understand.

This isn’t a suicide note.

But when doctors try to be teachers,
I can(‘t) listen to learn.
They kissed my skull,
To heal my (gone) brain.
I’m (not) healed.

And my feelings are(n’t) valid,
They starve me of emotions.
So I can(‘t) feel.
(Don’t) barricade your heart.

But today they’re teaching me,
(Differently from) what I learned.
I’m (not) in control,
Telling (my) time better,
Showing you I can eat my food (pills),
Without the glasses of water.

I swear,
This is not a suicide note.

This is all I’ve (n)ever known,
This is(n’t) my life.
Because I love you,
And I’m sorry (it’s all my fault).

You’re (lowkey) suicidal,
A (stupid) kid,
Following the (fucking) leader,
(Don’t) follow their rules,
Clawing at your skin (and my heart).

You’re (not) paper,
(Don’t) cut yourself,
(Don’t) follow in my footsteps,
Like another (stupid) kid,
Stepping over snow prints,

I love you,
And I know you do too,
Even if life brings you down.

This is not a suicide note.

This is my proof that you’ll survive.

Bio: My name is Jade Rael and currently I’m fourteen years old. I am from the pueblo of Picuris presenting to you my two poems “this is the title.” and “SAD VIIBES”. Both of these poems voice out the problems I have with myself/the world/anything and everything, of course there’s as much ‘wrong’ as with everything right so I believed both should have some sort of light in the dark. As for them being full of my own sappy emotions, I wanted to somehow reach out to people who might feel or have felt the same way. Seeing that most of the time, in those dark places people may feel unbearably alone, I want to show that they aren’t the only ones attacked by their own mind, and that though they may feel alienated- no one is alone.
 

Fatherly Love
by Amara Valdez

Will things ever change? 
Will you finally realize
Your children are enough
To keep you happy? 

Are you afraid to be alone?
Your children will always be here.
Don´t you see that? 

You can´t buy our love. 
Can I get the affection
You give to other women?
I see you texting
On your phone.
I see all the girl´s opened texts,
But I don't see any of mine. 

What Is it like
Growing up without a father?
Mine was never there.

The day I opened my eyes
I know I was going to be nurtured. 

I guess I was wrong.
There wasn't a time
When I´ve seen you single. 

Every family had issues right? 
My only conflict is my father. 

Will I ever receive your love? 
It is that hard? 
I seek that fatherly love,
Only you can give.

Will things ever change?
Maybe if I stop showing
Emotion towards you,
You´ll finally notice me.


A Man I Can No Longer Call My Uncle
by Amara Valdez

“Come to me when you need healing”, you said
“I love you”, you said
“You’re brave”, you said
Where was that encouragement   
When I lost myself? 

The many nights
I laid awake
Curled into a ball
Contemplating about the blank days.

The night I received those
Unpleasing messages
From your brother.

What did you do to help me? 
Absolutely nothing
Instead you hugged it out with him
Like I was nothing but
A piece of trash. 

You were the person I looked up to
I’ll never see you the same. 
“Forgive him”
“He’s your only uncle” 

Things aren’t the same
I wish you did something
More for your only daughter. 

My heart will never
Love you the way
It once did. 

I’m not angered for what you’ve done.
I’m not depressed for how you handled it.
I’m just simply in shock.

Bio: My name is Amara Valdez and I am 15 years old. I am from the pueblo of Santa Clara. My poems are called “ Fatherly Figure”. When you think of father, you look back of your fathers qualities and determine what the word father means to you right? I come from a broken family. My father was never there to raise me. My mother was basically a single parent raising four children all at the same time as well as going to college. He would only pop up into my life when he was with a significant other. He only knew how to buy our love. He struggles with showing affection towards his girlfriends. My other poem is called, “A Man I Could No Longer Call My Uncle”. In October of 2017, my uncle send unpleasing messages to his only niece. My father didn’t really do anything to ease my pain. He confronted him and all he did was hug it out with my uncle. I hope this will benefit the TGD readers to realize they aren’t alone and I support all their decisions.