Poetry from the Santa Fe Indian School

For the third year in a row, The Grief Diaries is proud to publish the following series of poems in collaboration with young writers from the Santa Fe Indian School in New Mexico. Governed by the 19 Pueblos of New Mexico, SFIS is a sovereign Native school that emphasizes Indian Education. These poems were produced in English I, taught by Michael Martinez.

As part of Mr. Martinez’s Composition course, a Performance Task was conducted with an emphasis on Poetry. Each of Mr. Martinez’s 91 English students wrote a poem, and the students below elected to be published in TGD. Of these, each student has written about various events and issues in their lives that express both self and culture. Student ages range from 14-16, and they represent a number of the 19 Pueblos: Navajo Nation, Hopi, Mescalero, and Jicarilla-Apache Tribes in New Mexico.
 

TURQUOISE SKY, ADOBE EARTH
A COLLECTION OF POEMS

Fly High Grandma Dar

by a student at the Santa Fe Indian School

 

March 28,2019

The day I remember

“Grandma Dar passed away”

But our love will not surrender

 

The moment I heard the news

My heart was split in two

One side filled with heartache,

The other had left with you.

 

All alone in my bed,

I lay and think of you,

Taking a walking through memory lane,

Grandma I miss you.

 

Remembering you is easy,

But missing you is a heartbreak,

Why couldn’t you stay?

No one can’t take this pain away.

 

The laughs that we’ve had,

The tears that we’ve cried,

The memories you left live on,

So deep inside.

 

I want you back

But I know that can’t be,

Till we meet again up above.

Fly high grandma, Your free.

#ILOVEYOU

 

Bio: I attend the Santa Fe Indian School.

 

You Promised

by: Trishelle Chavez

 

A promise that you willingly broke.You promised.

Did the ten years we spent apart

Because of this,

Not mean anything to you?

I wonder,

How you could break this promise.

A promise that meant so much to me,

And seemed to mean nothing to you.

 

You say you're sorry,

But should I believe it?

Should I just blindly accept your apology,

And get my heart broken again?

 

You don’t understand,

How much faith I put

On those four words.

“I’ll never drink again.”

How much my younger self

Believed in that sentence.

 

I want to know that you’re truly sorry.

I want to accept that

With no questions asked,

But I can’t.

 

I’m sorry.”

Those were the words that slurred

Out of your mouth,

When I talked to you today.

It made me wonder,

If you really meant it.

Or if you were just taking advantage

Of how forgiving I am to you.

 

Three days.

It took me three days,

To find out where you were.

Is he okay?”

“Is he drinking?”

The second thought was something,

That I never wanted to think

But somehow it was always there.

 

We have had numerous conversations,

About what would happen

If you started drinking again.

I thought it was out of pure curiosity,

Now I can’t help

But think that it was to know

How much you were in for,

When I finally found out.

 

You KNEW

That you would lose my trust.

You KNEW

That the relationship we

Have built up in those three years,

Would be gone.

 

How?

Because I told you.

Did those hundreds

Of conversations cross your mind?

When you brought that can

Up to your mouth?

The same mouth that said:

“I promise.”

And,

“I love you.”

 

I will always love you.

But I don’t know if I’ll ever forgive you.

And all because of a promise.

 

Bio: Hi, my name is Trishelle Chavez, from the Pueblos of San Felipe and Santo Domingo. I am 15 years old and am currently enrolled at the Santa Fe Indian School. The title of my poem is, “You Promised”. I wrote this poem to just let out my feelings about a situation that had occurred that same day. My father was an alcoholic for about 10 years, and I was kept away from him for that reason. He worked so hard to become sober so he could have me back in his life once again. He made a promise to me to never drink again. Unfortunately, that promise wasn’t kept. On May 16th, I was informed that he had a relapse, and I was really hurt by that, so I wrote about it. I am publishing this, hoping that someone who relates to my situation, finds it.

 

“Are you staying?”

by a student at the Santa Fe Indian School

 

Family is a team

Willing to face danger.

Family has love

That keeps them together.

 

My Family and I had those

But what was great

Was the success.

That seem to be endless.

 

But as the days went by

So did our love.

Luxury and Success

Is what got us in this mess.

 

Until one day

When I got a phone call

That seem to be

Make believe…

 

But it was true.

My dad didn’t

Come back home.

He left us clueless.

 

So this kept me wondering:

Is he okay?

Where is he?

Why did he just leave all of a sudden?

 

These question seemed to be on replay

Like your favorite song

Playing again and again.

 

But it was like a virus to my education

I never wanted to do work

until the last minute

Trying to finish an assignment.

 

Until finally Spring Break

The break that reliefs

You from stress and homework.

 

My spring break

felt weird until

My dad came home

I was so happy

We were all together.

 

But what I didn’t know

Was it was the day

We were all tested upon

The hardest question

“Are you Staying?’  

 

We were confused

As a family we seemed fine

But it wasn’t about me and my sibling

But between our parents.


Dad wanted to leave

Because he didn’t have

no more love.

Mom wanted him to stay

because he had a family

To love and care for.

 

But my dad left without

The knowledge of family

We as a family without

My dad cried for days.

 

But don’t worry we still

Love you dad!!!

Don’t think we forgot about you

Because we’re a team

And were going to save you.

 

And I would be your son until

You come home.

Knowing you beat the evil.

 

Bio: Hello, I’m from Acoma Pueblo. I am a freshman that attend the Santa Fe Indian School and I’m 15 years old. My poem title is “Are you staying” the reasoning for this was to get a hard situation off my chest, and to also inspire others. How I know this can benefit others is writing their feelings out and not holding anything in.

 

Auntie Faraway

by Jestin D. Coriz

 

Why? Why did you have to go?

Why did you have to turn to Alcohol?

You were everything to me.

You helped me with everything.

 

From spending time with you

To the last moments with you were amazing

From all the movies we watched

All the place we ate

All the songs we listened to

You helped me with what I needed

 

I remember when we would listen to Tech N9ne

All the birthdays we would spend together at Red Lobster

With all of our family

Everyday I miss you more and more  

I miss hearing the letters J.D. coming from you

 

What I would do to see you one more time

To go to one more movie with you

To spend one more day

 

All the times you had to go to other states

You had to go to work there

I missed you then too

I gave you one of my toy tractors

I gave it to you so you would remember me

 

You will always be in my heart forever

You will forever be my favorite auntie

Thank you for all the things you helped me with

I love you, and may you rest easy auntie

 

Bio: Hello my name is Jestin Coriz, I am 15 years old. I am from Santo Domingo Pueblo (Kewa). The title of my poem is called “Auntie Faraway” in this poem I talk about when my auntie turned to alcohol and passed away I also talk about how we spent time together and all the fun we had. I wrote this poem to show my feelings about my auntie and how much I appreciated her and how much I love her. This poem would show the readers how other people are going through these feelings and it’s alright to just keep living each day know they’re watching over you and guiding you through life.

 

four empty words

by Joylene Crespin

 

you were someone i never thought i’d lose.

we stuck to one another,like glue.

i’d tell you everything, you would too.

rain or shine you were there when i need you the most.

days were best, when i was with you.

 

yet somehow we grew tired of one another.

i couldn’t carry us, neither could you.

but time caught us both,

we drifted apart.

we both knew it but spoke nothing.

 

the day you left it didn’t hurt,

the memories are what stayed.

it sucks seeing you everyday

knowing we could have made it work.

but all good things come to an end

as times passes I realize,

it was for the best.

i am stronger than I was yesterday.

no shade but “friends come and go”

and you were one of them.

 

Bio: My name is Joylene Crespin, and I am from Laguna Pueblo. I currently attend Santa Fe Indian School as a freshmen going on my sophomore year. My poem is called ¨Four Empty Words¨ and it is about losing my best friend. It taught me that ¨friends come and go.” I hope those who choose to read my poem take it as “̈things happen for a reason” and carry that with them. As of today, we no longer talk but it has taught me that you can overcome any challenges that come your way and to take it as a learning experience. I hope it helps you in any possible way to see things differently. So with that being said, I hope you enJOY it :)

 

Cool Dog

by Mark Garcia

 

All around the village.

When i would look at his friendly face, sorrowful sadness.

Filled my heart.

 

Mom asked me “did you find him”?

The anger and sadness came out my face.

Tears. We always used to go for walks.

We would play catch with each other,

Throw the baseball and frisbee.

He loved to bring it back.

 

He slept on the side of my bed.

I would always give him meat.

Pork chops was his favorite.

He fell asleep after he ate - his belly fat.

 

big, brownish, his eyes sky blue.

He was a friendly dog, and I would take him places.

When one day I left him outside, maybe someone stole him…

Probably took off by himself.

 

I put up signs.

 

I still remember Bailey and I always will.

 

Bio: My name is Mark Garcia and i'm from the pueblo of San Felipe Pueblo. And im 15 years old. And attend Santa Fe Indian School i'm a freshman and I wrote this letter because I wanted to publish my poem called “cool dog” and why I want to publish my poem is because I want people to read it and enjoy my poem.

 

 

 

Untitled Haiku

by Leo Johnson

 

Fifteen years ago

Two very different days

One happy, one not

 

Only ten days apart

Ten days of a dream come true

Gone in an instant

 

Wishes of more time

Of real memories with you

Not ones found in dreams

 

June 4th June 14th

Separated by ten days

Too short of a time

 

I think back and wish

That each day would last forever

Still to short for me

 

Bio: The writer of this poem is a student at the Santa Fe Indian School

 

Bad Guy

by a student from the Santa Fe Indian School

 

I never wanted to hurt you

I swear I never meant to

Now I’m all shades of blue

Trust me, it hurt more than you knew.

 

You had been so shy,

And it hurt to see you cry.

I couldn’t look you in the eye,

Because I knew I was the bad guy.

 

“You hurt him.”

Voices sounding so grim.

But my feelings would dim,

And chances of staying together were slim.

 

I’m not a perfect person,

I like to stay behind a curtain.

One thing is for certain,

This truly is a burden.

 

I didn’t want to let you go.

I could be as cold as snow,

And now I know it does show,

Because now you know.

 

No excuse to be this sly.

I’m aware of our terrible good-bye.

Guess I’m always gonna be the bad guy.

 

Bio: I’m from Jemez Pueblo and I go to Santa Fe Indian School. My poem is titled “Bad Guy” and I wrote this because I lost a relationship recently. I felt like, as children, we are told the bad guy is the villain that should be avoided. For me, I felt like I always push those away that I really do care about and it always a loss to me. This was my way of acknowledging that this isn’t the best option.

 

 

Hit & Run

by Celeste Lucero

 

You left me damaged

Like any other man

You just left

 

No ‘sorries´

Just pain

And your lingering touch

 

You’ve done damage

Then left

That’s called a hit & run

 

My thoughts aren't the same

They are corrupted

No longer any good

 

My body is scarred

The hand marks you left

I try to hold on to

 

You may have hurt me

But I still love you

I crave your touch

 

It's not good for me

But I can't help it

No one has ever loved me like you

 

But I cannot go on like this

I am confused

And you’re taking advantage

  

I brought this upon myself

So I must end it

I know I’m deserving

 

You’re not the one I deserve

Because if this is love

It feels like torture

 

So to every precious soul

This is not healthy

Trust me and move on

 

Take it from one beaten down

Love  takes two hearts

Not one and anger

 

So I will find someone new

But if I’m not successful

Alone is better than being with you

 

Bio: I am Celeste Lucero from Laguna Pueblo and I attend Santa Fe Indian School. My poem is titled “Hit & Run” because it deals with being hurt by a guy who suddenly left, but you still love him for unexplainable reasons. I personally have gone through this and I feel like it is an issue worldwide today. I shared my feeling of the process and also some advice. So enjoy!

 



A bond we lost

by Silent Rain

 

 

I remember our laughs

I remember our talks

I remember our little arguments

I remember our memories

 

From meeting at our old school

Talking on the first day

To transferring together

And then not talking at all

 

Walking past each other

Not saying a word

We found other friends

We got close to them

Like we used to be

 

I miss our expensive bond

That I thought was never breakable

A strong connection through the heart

You showed me your true face

 

We were once inseparable

A fierce bond with each other

But that has all withered

Yet I don't know why

 

Bio: Hello, I’m Silent Rain and I’m from the Pueblo of Jemez. I am 14 years old and I attend Santa Fe Indian School.

 

 

The Words That Never Came Out

by Matthew Martinez

 

It hurts me every day

Walking past an opportunity

The chances I had

The chances that are gone

 

By morning I look at myself

Wandering why I did nothing

Wandering if I would see them again

Wandering…

 

Frozen in time

Telling myself to do something

Anything!!

 

An eruption of emotions

Devising plans until I sleep

Day by day wondering what to do

Waiting for a spark

 

The regrets are many

Circling me like a flock of vultures

My heart aches  

At the thing that could've been

 

The light

It was in my hands

Too bright to hold

 

So I went back asking for help

Help I acquired

Chances I didn't

 

Showing up with roses

But no one at the door

There was no more

My time was up

 

I was fooled

Fooled to run after

One was enough

Two was heartbreaking

 

The questions are endless

Why didn't I..?

Why couldn't I..?

What have I done …?

 

The possibilities were grand

But the power of my heart was little to none

 

This isn't a happy ending

The chances were there

And then they were gone

Carpe Diem…no

But instead Ego Defuit

 

Bio: My name is Matthew Martinez and I'm from the Pueblos of San Ildefonso and Nambe. I attend Santa Fe Indian School. The title of my poem is "The Words That Never Came Out". This poem talks about how it felt to lose an opportunity with someone. It's an emotional fight to say something and come back every night feeling regret and sadness. I hope to show people that when you see an opportunity that you want don't think just go.

 

 

 

The Day You Walked Away

by Makayla Naranjo

 

 

Thank you

For giving me the life I have today

If it wasn’t for you I would be miserable

 

Thank you Mom

For leaving us

My brothers and I

You left us to wonder

Where you went

 

You disappeared

Like mid-day fog

Without a warning

You vanished

 

Maybe you want to stay hidden

Hidden from all the lies

And mistakes you have made

 

I found something out so shocking

So unthinkable

You’re pregnant again

With a baby girl

 

Will I ever get to meet her?

Or even get to see a picture?

Questions flurry around my head

And so do emotions.

 

Bio: My name is Makayla Naranjo and I am from Santa Clara Pueblo. I am currently 15 years old and I attend the Santa Fe Indian School. The title of my poem is “The Day You Walked Away.” It’s basically a message to my birth mom who I haven’t seen since I was 5 years old. I personally think my poem would help teens who are struggling with not having relations with their birth parents and I hope my poem would help them to become more open about it and maybe talk to someone about how they feel.

 

My Love Is On Fire

by Bailey Nez      

 

I feel it would hurt less  

To freeze

Than to continue being burned

By your flame

Is love supposed to feel like burning up

And being extinguished all at once?

It’s possible

I yearned for the welcome of a warm fireplace

But I was instead

Rushed at by a raging wildfire

Maybe I deserve to be burned

For coming with expectations

 

Turn me into an inferno

Of mixed emotions and hurt

The way you do over and over again

So beautifully

 

Bio: Hello, my name is Bailey Nez and I am from the Navajo Nation. I am 15 years old and currently attending the Santa Fe Indian School as a freshman. During the school year, I wrote a poem titled “My Love is on Fire”. I wrote this poem to hopefully help anyone else who may be stuck in a bad relationship with themselves or someone else. I hope that anyone reading this poem can re-evaluate their relationships. Writing this poem helped me realize that something wasn’t right about my situation and helped me come to terms with how I was truly feeling. I hope that by reading this, others will learn the same things about themselves.

 

Out of the Blue

by Justina

 

When I heard the news early that morning

Been some time since I’ve felt that kind of pain

Although it’s good to know you are resting

I know nothing will ever be the same

 

I wish I said “I love you” one last time

Years have passed and I hadn’t seen you since

I never thought that was our last goodbye

It’s time to let you fly into heaven

 

We know alcohol got the worst of you

Let no one make you think it was your fault

Even though this happened out of the blue

You passing so soon was never a thought

 

So now that you are in a better place

I’m glad to know you are being kept safe

 

Bio: My name is Justina and I am from the Pueblo of Cochiti. I am currently attending the Santa Fe Indian School. My poem is titled “Out of the Blue”. It is about someone I lost too early due to alcohol.

 

Gone but Never Forgotten

by a student at the Santa Fe Indian School

 

You were the best cousin ever,

Like the brother I never been able to have.

You did some good and bad things,

But that’s all in the past now.

 

You were a firefighter, who risked his life

Every time you were out there.

Things are different now, we’re still hurt

But we all go on as if we’re okay.

 

You went from giving us nicknames,

To making us laugh all the time.

Your smile always lit up the room

You called me “Rico”, and our handshake

was the best even though I made some mistakes.

 

Our family has loved and lost

In many ways, but we continue to go on

each day pretending to be okay,

we still manage to put smiles on our face.

 

If I could turn back time just to tell you to stay

you’d still be here, and everything would’ve been

okay, Losing you was hard, just like losing a brother.

I still can’t accept the fact that you’re never coming back.

You’re gone but never forgotten.


Bio: I attend the Santa Fe Indian School.

 

My Truth

by Kelsey Rosetta

 

It had all begun at the age of ten.

My brain was full of negativity.

Trying to write down the thoughts with a pen.

At even one social activity,

I feel the danger lingering somewhere.

Panicking, my heart starts to beat faster.

I gasp for air, wishing I was nowhere.

Forcing my pink lips to smile, a plaster.

Crying each night, knowing parents don’t know.

Not participating in my own life,

I feel myself sinking, sinking down below.

Living is just as painful as a knife.

My heart pounds, walking up to my mother,

“Mom, I need to tell you that I suffer.”

 

Bio: Greetings, my name is Kelsey Rosetta and I’m from Kewa Pueblo. I’m 15 years old and my poem is called My Truth. My poem is about a mental illness known as social anxiety. I wrote this poem to express what I’ve been struggling with, hoping others out there know how it is to deal with social anxiety. My poem can help readers tell others what’s happening to them and hopefully, they’ll be able to get help.



Phone

by Otiz Ruben

 

Oh how I miss you

I took you for granted

And within seconds you were gone

But there's no one to blame

Except myself

I should've done better

To keep you

Things are different without you

Like now I go to bed early

You kept me company

When I was alone

But one day we will be reunited

We both will just have to wait

People may talk down about you

Saying your old and slow

And yes, its true,

You are even though

You’re new to me

I miss you iphone 6

 

Bio: Hello my name is Otiz Ruben I am from Laguna Pueblo and I am 14 years old. My poem is called “phone.” The reason why I wrote this poem is because it’s a different type of grief poem it's about a phone and not a person. What I think this poem will do for other people is put a smile on their face instead of a tear in the eye or a lump in your throat.

 

Friends or not

by Native Kyrie

 

 

We were bestfriends then

At the beginning of school

On a autumn day

 

One day went so bad

Like ate some spoiled food

He turned on me

 

We both stopped talking

He started to bully me

Others joined in

 

Mentioned im half black

They were being so racist

As mean as they were

 

I tried getting help

I just couldn’t tell someone

I started crying

 

Tears comming down fast

Like a big acid water fall

No one cared to see

 

My mind wasn’t right

It said to tell and not to tell

I battled myself

 

It has to stop now

Bullying’s a big problem

Dont let it happen

 

Bio: My name is Native Kyrie and I am 15 years old. I am from the Pueblo of San Felipe. My poem is entitled “Friends Or Not”. The poem is about the time I lost a friend and how that friend turned against me. What the poem would do would possibly let everyone know to help stop bullying.

 

Glassed

by a student at the Santa Fe Indian School

She used to tell me,                       

The day I was born,

“I looked into your eyes,

then nothing else mattered”

 

She used to hold me,

She used to care,

She used to love me.

 

I’ll never hate her but,

I’ll never stop hating you.

You took my mom,

You turned her into a monster.

 

This is the second time you’ve taken her.

How many times am I going to have to stop trusting her,

Just to believe you?

 

It’s been two years since I’ve seen her.

I can’t look into her eyes anymore,

And tell her I love her.

I can’t call her my mama,

That woman isn’t my mother.

 

I can’t think of any other reason to get her back,

Just to lose her,

Other than unconditional love.

 

It’s almost Mother’s Day,

Can I have her back for awhile?

Just to tell her that I’m scared,

Scared of her lying,

Scared of her dying.

 

I can’t have that can I?

I can’t do anything but watch you kill her.

 

What did you do to her?

Why is she so hollow?

Where’s her smile?

Where is she?

 

Stop doing this to her, please.

Stop hurting her,

Stop killing her.

I get it, she chose you over me.



9/28

 

I see you in my dreams.

Your name dances on my eyelids.

Even when I want to forget,

I can’t help but see you.

 

You inscribed yourself,

Beneath my eyelids,

All I see is you.

 

In my eyes,

You can’t do any wrong.

I see past the drug habits.

Past the lies,

Past all the times,

You made me cry.

 

I met you,

And I understood,

Love is blind.

Because when I left you,

With the demons I couldn’t see,

They tore you to pieces.

 

I’m sorry I left,

I’m so sorry I can’t let you go.

I give you hopes,

I can’t promise.

 

I keep hurting you,

Because I know you will always love me.

You said,

“There is nobody else for me”.

I keep hurting you and it kills me.

 

Every moment of suffering I feel,

Is caused because,

I will always love you.

 

I gave you my heart,

Not just my heart,

I gave you my soul.

 

When I left,

I realized,

I never should have fallen in love with you.

 

Bio: I am fifteen years of age. I come from the Navajo Nation and attend the Santa Fe Indian School. I have written many poems. The two I chose not only fit the genre of loss and grief but were about the two people who mean the most to me. The first one is about my mother, titled “Glassed”. This poem is directed toward the drugs she abuses. At first, it was to her but I can’t bring myself to hate her. The second is titled “9/28”, the day I first fell in love. This poem is about losing someone through choice but also ties in with how love is blind. The poem itself is to that person. I thought he had the world. It wasn’t until I left that I realized I had taken the world and the universe with me. I'd like to think both of these poems would



Happy Day

by Nyvi

 

February 13, 2019.

 

You were always so happy to see me dance.

You cheered me on from your hospital room

While I prayed for you to be strong.

Your eyes lit up during our last video call.

I said my last “I love you”, totally unaware of the days ahead;

Three to be exact.

 

I stayed strong for you.

I remained quiet and hopeful as we laid you to rest.

I helped mom keep calm as she sobbed

While my sister held her stomach, her first born growing inside.

I sacrificed my own feelings for those who felt guilty,

Countless cries came from those who didn’t visit you enough.

I couldn’t help but wonder the impact you had on everyone’s life

Since so many people arrived.

I smiled as I heard stories being told from family and friends,

I knew you were happy as well.

 

I can’t seem to bounce back into a routine.

I’m so used to the hospital room visits,

The sounds of the oxygen machine going off every few minutes.

I can’t seem to move forward.

I feel anxious and undetermined, even after all the support from my friends.

I feel guilty -

I shouldn’t have danced that last Sunday you were here with us.

I shouldn’t have stayed home because I was tired.

I should have been there with you,

Talking with you about my troubles in school.

Instead I was making you proud and giving you the strength to go on.

 

Three months gone already.

I see red Chevy trucks wherever I go -

I remember how much you loved working on that truck.

I know you’re with me everywhere I go.

I now realize how similar we are -

Same looks, same gestures, same name.

I’m almost finished with freshman year.

It wasn’t easy though.

I remember the words you would say to me every morning before school

“Have a happy day”.

 

I think of those words every day.

I think of the times you fought while in that hospital.

I think of the times you were unable to move,

but you still tried your best to interact with me.

I’m okay with how things turned out, though.

I’m okay with the fact that you’re not here with us anymore.

I’m okay with leading on your legacy -

Because you won this battle, dad.

And I know there’s one thing you’d be saying to me right now -

Have a happy day.

 

Bio: Greetings, my name is Nyvi and I’m from the Comanche Nation. I’m 15 years old and I currently attend the Santa Fe Indian School. My poem is titled Happy Day. This poem is about my experience coping with the loss of my father. My father died from complications in the hospital and his passing has had a great effect on me, granted I was his youngest child. I wrote this poem as a way to express my regret and to share my overall thought process during this time. It took several months for me to accept my father’s death and it was quite concerning as to why it took so long. I want readers of The Grief Diaries who have lost a significant person in their lives to know that everyone handles grief differently. Grief is a feeling that everyone is allowed to feel after a traumatic event in their lives and it’s understandable for them to take as long as they please to express it.

 

Ya’ Ya

by Ku’weh

 

I’m sorry Ya’Ya

I’m sorry I didn’t get to say goodbye

I’m sorry I didn’t get to see you once more

 

That heartbreaking day finally came

The day when all your pain ended

The day when you fell asleep

 

Just that morning,

I was thinking of you

Feeling the need to visit you

 

How much I missed you,

after countless days of your absence.

Ya’Ya, ah tra’wah eh she’it?

 

I needed to see you one last time,

I needed to hear your voice once more,

But it was too late . . .

 

Hearing the words, “she’s gone,”

Broke my soft fragile heart

I felt the sharp pain strike

 

The realization . . .

It hit me hard

That I didn’t even get the chance

to say goodbye

 

As I stood there silently,

My mind flooded with vivid memories,

Those that’ll never be forgotten

 

I thought of your sweet smile,

The one I was very happy to see

every single time I saw you

 

I thought of your chocolate brown eyes,

The ones I’d look into

And think, “ah’mu, qui’nam shuth

 

I thought of your short curly hair

And your sweet scent,

And your exchange of wise words,

Whenever we’d make conversations last

 

I then broke down,

Kneeling down on the carpeted floor

As I shook my head thinking, “no,” repeatedly

 

I felt the tears well up immediately

The tremendous amount

That’ll soon stain my cheeks

 

I felt this very heavy force on my chest

I felt like I couldn’t breath

I felt like everything . . .

Everything in the world stopped

 

I love you so much Ya’Ya

I’ll never ever forget you

And I’ll never ever stop loving you

 

But I don’t think

That I’ll ever forgive myself

For not saying goodbye

To your fragile being

 

Ya’Ya

I’m so sorry

 

Bio: Hello, my name is Ku’weh and I am from the Pueblo of San Felipe. I am 15 years old and I attend Santa Fe Indian School. The title of my poem is “Ya’ Ya.” It’s about a dark time in my life when my grandma had passed away the day I was going to visit her at the hospital, and I was very close with my great grandma which is why the pain seemed like it would be endless. I felt that I needed to write an apology for my grandmother who I didn’t get to see before she unfortunately passed. I want my poem to let others know to visit your loved ones as much as you can because everyone only lives once so we need to make the best of it; not only for ourselves but for others.

Kristi DiLalloComment